求一个经典英文笑话

　　Let me take it down

　　An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

　　"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

　　为我所用

　　一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

　　“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

　　Two birls

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　两只鸟

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

　　The Fish Net

　　"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

　　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

　　鱼网

　　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

　　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

　　The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

　　"I didn"t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　　新老师

　　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

　　"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

　　"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

　　A physics Examination

　　Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

　　The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

　　Nick"s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

　　一次物理考试

　　在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

　　这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

　　尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两

只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn"t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick"s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?" The oldest son replied: "Father, Ill eat it all!" The father then said: "Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?" The same son answered: "Father,Ill eat it all!" The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?" The oldest son answered again: "Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer!" 总是我 一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？” 大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？” 又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？” 大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其它人来做吧。” Dentist: Im sorry, madam, but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。 A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what/s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that/s their telly," replied the tot. 耶稣的电视机 圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。 a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."9.Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”一盒小火柴妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!开车父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

英文：I hung him up to dry

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary"s heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office. "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you"re being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you"ve regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he"s dead."

Mary replied, "He didn"t hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

中文意思：Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室，“Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

这个英文笑话还可以：

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn"t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That"s fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn"t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick"s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

我感觉还可以的：

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You"re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What"s the meaning of the word "Drunk", dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there"s only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉"字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

绝对经典。。

In a class, is on a physical class, female teachers just to finish: students, and who also do not understand, ask the teacher can give that.

Then there is a classmate on the hands raised. Asked his teacher: "teachers ah, ** when some men uncomfortable, or some women uncomfortable ah?" The teacher said to her Dabantian. But he still do not understand. Teacher gave her an analogy. Said: "You use your hands to pull your nose, the nose is cool, or hand Shuang that?" He would like to. Ah. The nose is cool! Sit on the.

The teacher asked, are there any students there do not understand, ask the teacher can raise their hands. Then that the students and the hands raised. Asked the teacher: "Teacher, why a woman to menstruation. ** That we can not?" The teacher gave her a metaphor. Said: "That"s when your nose bleeding. You use your hands to pull your nose?" To a student, ah, ah is!

A short while, he has to hold hands, the teacher asked a question, the teacher. "Since more women than men a comfortable Xie, why men rape women, women must resist?" An angry teacher, and a Bozhuozi important thinking, and said: "You Liu pyridazine in Malaysia on time. Others from telling the your nose. you are willing to ah?

在一个班级里，正在上一堂生理课,女老师刚讲完就问：同学们，谁还有不明白的地方，就可以举说问老师。

这时有一个同学就把手举起来了。问老师：“老师啊，在 ** 的时候，是男人舒服一些？还是女人舒服一些啊？”老师给她说了大半天。但他还是不明白。老师就给她做一个比喻。说：“那你用你的手抠你的鼻子，是鼻子爽？还是手爽那？”他一想。嗯。是鼻子爽!就坐下了。

老师问，还有没有同学有不明白的地方，可以举手问老师。然后那个同学又把手举起来了。问老师：“老师，为什么女人来了月经。就不能 ** 那？”老师又给她做了一个比喻。说：“那你鼻子出血的时候。你还用你的手抠你的鼻子吗？”学生一想，嗯，也是啊!

不一会，他就又把手举起来了，问老师一个问题，老师。“既然女人比男人舒服多一谢，为什么男人强奸女人的时候，女人都要反抗呢？”老师一生气，叭地一拍桌子，说：“你在大马路上遛哒的时候。别人过来抠你鼻子。你愿意吗啊

预算超标的小偷 Caught stealing

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don"t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”

经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点。你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor"s.

"What"s the matter with you",asked the doctor.

"I have been broken all!",said the fool .

"Broken all,what"s it mean?",the doctor was surprised.

Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……

The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"

从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。

那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”

Signs seen around the World

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE

GUARD ON DUTY

Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On an Athi River highway:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:

DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:

NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel"s rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel elevator, Paris:

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:

TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

中文意思：Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他们沿着医院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潜到水底，把Jim拉了上来。

当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后，他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室，“Mary，我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，这说明你的意识已经恢复了，你可以出院了。坏消息就是，Jim，你救的那个病人，他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”

Mary说：“他没有自杀，是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”

When you eating,you"re so happy;when you destroy something,it seems world-shaking;when you lose your love,you"re so depressed;when you borrow money,you appeal so prayerfully.Now you are married,thank god a lot!

你吃东西欢天喜地，搞破坏翻天覆地，失恋后呼天抢地，借钱时求天拜地，现在总算结婚了，真是谢天谢地！

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

英文：I hung him up to dry

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.